


How to Get a Blowjob for Dummies

by hostilecrayon



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Crack, Drunk Sex, Drunkenness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-01
Updated: 2012-04-01
Packaged: 2017-11-02 21:02:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/373314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hostilecrayon/pseuds/hostilecrayon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Waya thinks it's time Touya did something about Shindou, so he draws him a manual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Get a Blowjob for Dummies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aoigensou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aoigensou/gifts).



> Rewatch chat, yet again. They're totally going to kill me one of these days. Based on a hilarious screencap made by Degrees.

**How to Get a Blowjob for Dummies**

Touya isn’t sure why he let Shindou talk him into coming to this party, but he did and now he’s here, sipping at an iced tea and staring around at the people who are all way too drunk to play Go. Even Shindou is pretty sloshed, and Touya sighs as he watches him hang all over his friend Waya.

Definitely shouldn’t have come.

He watches as Shindou moves on to mingle with other people, as Waya rolls his eyes and swipes Shindou’s notebook from the table. Then he grins and starts to write in it.

Touya shifts his attention back to Shindou, watching his red-faced rival flit about like a butterfly, leaning on various people as he goes, just a touch too drunk to really stand on his own. It would be endearing if only it weren’t other people he was leaning on, and when their eyes lock, Touya just stares at him until Shindou flushes and looks away.

He’s still watching Shindou when he smells the unmistakable stink of alcohol sweat, and he turns to see a grinning Waya holding out Shindou’s notebook.

“What…” Touya starts, bewildered.

“I am so sick of hearing Shindou talk about you. ‘Touya is so cool. Touya plays the best go in the world. Touya is my eternal rival.’ Ugh. So I made you this because you’re obviously never going to get your shit together and figure it out.” Waya laughs, blowing his disgusting drunken breath right in Touya’s face.

With a disdainful sigh, he takes the notebook from Waya. “Thank you,” he says at length.

“Don’t fucking thank me; somebody had to do it.” He looks smug, then turns to stumble away.

Touya watches him retreat for a moment before looking down at the notebook. It isn’t anything special – just a green, one subject spiral notebook that was probably bought at the 100 yen store. Even the notebook smells like booze, and there are little wet spots on the cover. With some trepidation, he flips it open.

He immediately wishes he hadn’t.

Written in Waya’s horrible scrawl, giant letters proclaim this book to be ‘HOW TO GET A BLOWJOB FOR DUMMIES’. This is decorated by stick figures doing various sexual acts all around the words. Horrified, Touya snaps the book shut and tries not to look like he’s in possession of decidedly ridiculous pornographic material. He turns to find Waya laughing his ass off at him, and the tips of his ears start to burn.

But then Shindou is staring at him again, and Isumi is leading Waya away, and Touya stares at the beer-stained green cover again. He glances around the room, finding everyone quite occupied with their drinks and conversations, and with a blush, he opens it again.

The words are still there, as crude as ever, and he takes in the little drawings with no small embarrassment. Though upon further inspection, the hair on the stick figures look suspiciously like Waya’s and Isumi’s, which brings the embarrassment to a whole new level. Trying very hard not to imagine those two doing all the sexual acts on the page, he turns to the next to see if there’s more. He’s distressed to find that there is indeed more.

“STEP ONE,” it proclaims, and Touya feels as if the notebook is shouting at him. “TELL HIM THAT HE’S HOT SHIT.”

Touya can’t even imagine saying those words in the same sentence, let alone to Shindou. The accompanying drawing shows one party shouting this line at a grinning stick figure.

He flips the page.

“STEP TWO: GET HIM ALONE.” This is illustrated as one stick figure dragging the other in the direction of a room with a very emphasized bed.

Touya shakes his head and turns the page.

“STEP THREE: KISS HIM UNTIL HE CAN’T THINK STRAIGHT, THEN GRAB HIS PENIS.”

Touya gasps at the art, a small line poking out of the ‘legs’ of the stick figure, the other grabbing onto it with its hastily drawn three fingers. Their heads are just two circles smashed together. This is clearly the worst advice ever, and Touya has no idea why he’s still looking.

He flips the page.

“STEP FOUR: GET NAKED.” If it’s possible for a stick figure to leer, this one is as the stick figure he thinks of as Isumi drops his pants that he notably wasn’t wearing in any of the other pictures. Both of them have stick figure penises jutting out proudly.

“STEP FIVE: TELL HIM TO GET ON HIS KNEES AND STICK YOUR PENIS IN HIS FACE.” The drawing is so sloppy, it looks like ‘Waya’ is poking ‘Isumi’ in the eye with his penis. He seriously considers stopping here, but then he thinks about Shindou, naked and kneeling in front of him, staring hungrily at Touya’s erection, and it’s like the floor drops out from under him with the way his stomach flips over.

He looks up to make sure no one is anywhere near him and sees Shindou watching him from across the room. This time, Touya is the one who blushes and looks away.

He turns the page.

“STEP SIX: SIT BACK AND HAVE YOUR MOTHER FUCKING MIND BLOWN.” The line that was ‘Waya’s’ penis disappears into ‘Isumi’s’ face, some drool dripping down his round chin, and ‘Waya’ is clutching ‘Isumi’s’ hair with his three fingers, staring up at the sky with an O for a mouth.

Ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. But then it’s Shindou’s gel-stiff hair, and Touya is digging his fingers in until he feels the soft strands underneath, Shindou’s wet, warm lips gliding over his hard cock, Touya’s head thrown back and knees threatening to buckle as Shindou’s tongue teases at the slit, sucking the precome out of him and tasting it with wonder.

Touya shifts in his chair and wishes he didn’t have such a vivid imagination.

“STEP SEVEN: COME ALL OVER HIS FACE.” He doesn’t even want to look at the picture this time, but it’s hard to miss, since it’s just a close-up of a line penis and a face covered in globs of come, some still in mid-stream, a projectile headed straight for ‘Isumi’s’ lips.

Touya sags in his seat, wishing he was wearing something other than a thin pair of dress slacks, because of course, the most crudely drawn porn of all time is making him imagine it in his mind, and he’d never seen the appeal before but he thinks maybe now he gets it.

Finally, he’s to the last page, which enthusiastically says, “CONGRATS ON THE SEX!” with a smaller line that says, “Now hurry up and do it, Touya.”

Touya thinks he might spontaneously combust.

He slams the notebook closed when he sees someone moving towards him, and some girl he doesn’t know is holding out a tray with shots on it. Before he lets himself think about it, he downs three in rapid succession, grimacing and draining his tea, which doesn’t really help but he almost instantly feels hot and just a bit carefree, and he turns away to find Shindou wide-eyed with shock. Which means that Shindou has been watching him for most of the last half hour, which is exactly the thing he needs to get his feet moving in the right direction.

When he gets to Shindou, he feels just a little light-headed, so he leans against the wall next to him, tilting his head to the side, close enough to Shindou to feel his own breath reflected back at him.

“Touya?” Shindou asks, swaying a little, almost knocking their foreheads together.

“Shindou.” Touya closes his eyes, just breathing Shindou’s air for a moment before his eyes snap back open and he says, “Shindou, you know, you’re hot shit.” He’s going for suave, but he feels his body burning and he can’t decide whether he should run away or try to move on to step two, but his mind draws a blank when Shindou’s eyes widen, his hand moving towards Touya’s face, groping around a little until its cupping his cheek.

“Touuuuuuuya,” Shindou says with only a little bit of a slur. “I must be smashed, because I’m hallucinating.” Then Shindou moves in for a kiss, missing Touya’s mouth and pressing wet lips to his chin before trailing across his skin until he finds his desired target. It’s wet and sloppy and uncoordinated, but it feels good, and Touya completely forgets that the whole room is full of people, slipping his hand into Shindou’s hair to see if it felt like he thought it would. It did, and yet it was a million times better than his imagination.

When they part he feels dizzy and his alcohol-impaired mind decides sitting on the floor right where he is would be wonderful, so he drops, Shindou yelping when Touya forgets to let go of his hair first.

Shindou falls over into Touya’s lap and Touya strokes his crunchy hair, trying not to think about how close Shindou’s lips are to his dick. Shindou nuzzles his crotch fondly, his hot breath warming his thigh through his pants, and then suddenly-

“Ow! What’s poking into my head?!”

That gets the attention of a few people standing near them and Touya holds Shindou’s head down like a shield, completely mortified. His body wars with his mortification and the feeling of Shindou’s head touching his dick and gets confused, his dick hovering between hard and soft like it’s trying to decide which response is the appropriate one.

Of all the people that could have come to his rescue, Waya is definitely the last person on the planet he would have chosen. But he’s there, grinning down at him and reaching both hands down to help them up. “You weren’t supposed to get drunk first, idiot,” he says, grinning, almost falling on top of them when he tries to pull them up.

Then he’s leading them down the hall and pushing them into a room, closing the door with a “Good luck” and a laugh. Touya doesn’t know whether he wants to smack him or thank him.

He very quickly decides he wants to thank him when unsteady hands slide up into his shirt, and he brings his lips to Shindou’s neck and kind of sucks and bites at the same time, tasting the sweat there. Shindou makes a truly indecent sound, and Touya’s body decides his dick should be very, very hard right now. It dawns on him that this was in the manual Waya had given him, and he tries to remembers the details, and though he’s forgotten the words, he remembers the pictures, and he slides his hand down Shindou’s body, hovering above his waistband for a minute before just going for it. His fingers slip under the waistband and then Shindou’s cock is in his hand; warm and pulsating and so, so hard, and he tries to get Shindou down on his knees, but it doesn’t quite work while he’s still holding onto his dick, so they both tumble to the floor, Shindou laughing between hitched breaths as Touya runs his fingers up and down his length.

Touya isn’t standing anymore, so he’s not sure if the book still applies, or even what the next step is, but he vaguely remembers something about getting his dick near Shindou’s face, so he lets go of Shindou and sort of tries to push him down his body, since Shindou was sort of on top of him, and it seems to work out alright, because he feels a draft and realizes that Shindou is removing Touya’s pants and Touya thinks his heart might explode or something and he’s not really sure this is actually happening until Shindou’s lips are on his cock because nothing imaginary could possibly feel that good.

Touya is the one making noise now, his hands fisting in Shindou’s gel-sticky hair, his mouth an O just like the picture said it would be, and Touya is pretty sure that it’s only been a minute but he’s already feeling like he’s going to come. “Oh, oh,” he says, and then…

Shindou stops. He doesn’t pull back but rather just completely stops moving, his head lolling over a little, Touya’s hard cock still in his mouth.

“Shindou?” Touya calls, but Shindou doesn’t respond. “Shindou?” He tries again, but this time, instead of silence, he’s treated to a snore.

Shindou is asleep. Touya would be completely distraught if it isn’t for the fact that snoring constitutes a rumble in Shindou’s mouth, and then he says with much more urgency, “SHINDOU!”

One, two, three snores later and Touya is coming, coming hard into Shindou’s slack mouth, and Shindou chokes a little and Touya’s cock slips out. Shindou swallows, blinks bleary eyes at Touya, and falls back asleep, pillowing his head on Touya’s stomach.

Touya thinks that this is probably the worst way to fall asleep – in the middle of the floor of someone else’s room, half naked with Shindou’s face right next to his cock – but he’s also sated and sleepy from the alcohol and orgasm, and he just kind of doesn’t care.

It doesn’t even take a full minute for him to fall asleep.

 

“Waya, you really shouldn’t be spying…” Isumi says futilely, because Waya is still steadily pushing the door open and peeking inside.

Then he slams it shut.

“Oh god, I didn’t think it would actually work. And ew ew ew I just saw Touya’s dick. TOUYA’S. UGH.”

“That’s what you get for snooping.”

“God, what have I done? Shindou is going to be EVEN WORSE now. I really hope he doesn’t insist on talking about his sex life…”

“You mean like you do with him?” Isumi says, smirking.

Waya blushes. “Yeah, well. Remind me never to drink around those two ever again.”

“Right. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Man, Touya’s dick. I hate myself so much right now.”

Isumi sweeps him into a hug. “Maybe I can help you forget about that…”

Waya smirks. “Let’s find out.” He grabs Isumi’s wrist, starting from step two and pretty enthusiastic to go through the rest of the steps.


End file.
